How does an atheist make moral decisions without an authoritative text?

Several online dictionaries define “authoritative” as

1. Having or arising from authority; official.

An authoritative text, in the minds of Christians, is their Bible. Christians claim their good book is inspired by a divine being. Christians claim the Bible is the absolute perfect word of God. The Bible, Christians say, is infallible.

Don't be a dick (unless you are out god-killing).
Your religion offends my reason!

Yet, the Bible encourages acts of murder, rape, slavery, genocide and barbarism, that are totally illegal in the modern world. No sane person would stone a women claiming to be a witch to death because the Bible says to do it. Neither can you kill homosexuals because the Bible commands you to do so.

The Bible is morally weak in these areas and completely, totally and disgustingly wrong. The Bible shows itself to be fallible. If there was a divine, perfect being, that being definitely did not write the Bible. In fact, all evidence shows that the Bible was written by human beings. The Bible, in reality, expresses the views of the culture that existed at the time of its writing, not the desires of a God.

Where do preachers get their authority and who gives it to them?

Since none of what so-called “holy” men claim to be the word of God has been shown to be true and a great deal of it has been shown to be untrue and immoral, I doubt that an “authoritative text” is where morality comes from.

People know not to hurt other people. If you hurt people, they’ll hurt you back. Your best friends are those that help you and take care of you. In return, you help them and try to take care of them. If peaceful society, where people help each other is going to be the most moral and best one to live in.

 I do not need an authoritative text to be moral. I know that if I do something that I would not want done to me, that act is wrong. I try not to hurt other people. It is fairly simple to be more.

Don’t be a dick.

Don't be a Dick!
Don’t be a Dick!

Zombie Jesus died for our sins

Zombie Jesus died for our sins, but has come back for our brains.
Zombie Jesus died for our sins, but has come back for our brains.

Was Jesus a zombie? Are his followers mindless zombies that fail to use their brains at all?

The history of the Bible clearly shows that the Bible was written by men. Most Christians, however, claim that the Bible is the infallible word of God. If the Bible were shown to be imperfect, would you continue to believe? If it were shown to be wrong, would you continue to believe?

Zombie Jesus loves you.
Zombie Jesus loves you.

Is Jesus the Mythical really Raptor Jesus?

These images give hidden clues into the real nature of the Christian god, Jesus.

Jesus might be partly reptile. If Jesus was a reptile, would we call him Raptor Jesus? This theory would explain why children die in such great numbers. God is a cold-blooded bastard. Someone said that this picture was painted after the artist received a vision. Since Christians believe in visions, the statement must be true.

Someone said that this picture was painted after the artist received a vision. Since Christians believe in visions, the statement must be true. I do not believe in mythical Jesus or Raptor Jesus. Both characters have the same amount of evidence pointing to their existence. None. Therefore, both are just as likely to be true.

Is God powerful enough to grow a reptile head?

Is Jesus a reptile?
Is Jesus a reptile? Was this image inspired by a vision from the Christian god? Evidence suggests it was.

Is God powerful enough to shoot an automatic weapon with one hand and still hit his target? Would Raptor Jesus enjoy shooting criminals?

Is Jesus a reptile?
Is Jesus a reptile? he definitely likes his guns.

Maybe Jesus rode a Tyrannosaurus Rex into Jerusalem and people thought it was a donkey. The green color might have been overlooked.

Atheism Rules, Jesus Rides
Atheism Rules, Jesus Rides

Is God powerful enough to be a reptile while retaining the head of a pony? Would he still be funny like a clown? Could Jesus fly without dragon wings? Did he actually need the chariot to get into heaven? Was that for dramatic effect? Since nobody who wrote the gospels actually saw Jesus ascend into heaven, how do we know they are true? They are all third party tellings of events that happened elsewhere? Could the stories be actually made up?

Clown Raptor Jesus Pony
Is Clown Raptor Jesus Pony real?

There is also evidence that Jesus might be made out of bread. If he were, would you eat Jesus?

Jesus’ head is made of toast?

Jesus, the mythical savior in the Christian religion, is often seen on food products. Is it possible that Jesus’ head is actually made out of toast? This is highly plausible if you consider the facts.

In Biblical writings about Jesus, he appears to have a fondness for bread. During one meal, he and his followers managed to eat 5,000 loaves of bread. He also gave people bread during his last supper and told his followers that it was his flesh. The bread was his flesh. Jesus said whoever who eats the bread, eats him.

Since the Bible is true because it says it is true, one could be expected to believe that Jesus literally meant what he said and he is made out of bread. An all powerful god could be bread if he wanted to be bread and his head could be made out of toast. That’s what omnipotent means. The ability to do anything imaginable.

Jesus Toast Head
New revelation revealed. Does Jesus have toast for a head?

Of Miracles and Toast

A few truths can be deducted from this tastefully (toastfully) true observation on the nature of Jesus.

Since Jesus has been seen coming out of a toaster more times than out of a children’s hospital, it is unlikely that his head is bionic. If Jesus were to have a bionichead, his chips would have melted in the toaster. It could also be safe to assume that Jesus likes toasters more than children. Since more children die each year than jars of Nutella break, it is safe to assume that Jesus likes Nutella more than children. Naturally, chocolate is delicious, so we should not judge the Christian god too harshly.

Furthermore, it is known that Jesus was said to be fond of miracles. He supposedly made a lot of bread and wine, even though nobody present actually wrote about it. The writings about these miracles came from stories told to third parties. They must be true because they say they are true. Therefore, Jesus the bread-loving, miracle-worker is most likely made out of Wonderbread. That’s why it is named “Wonder” bread.

More miracles of Toasted-headed Jesus

Jesus is made out of toast.
Jesus is made out of toast. “I am the bread of life,” he said.
Jesus is made out of toast.
Jesus, who is made out of toast, looks to the heavens and prays for Nutella. “It’s delicious,” he says.
Jesus is made out of toast.
Multiple Jesus saviors being toasted for this deluxe toaster.

Jesus speaks through food

By now, it should be obviously that Jesus prefers to contact people through food products. That would explain why the poor are poor. They do not have enough food to receive their god’s blessings.

It does not matter if it is bread or a bread spread, Jesus keeps both avenues of communication open.

In 2009, Jesus contacted a family in South Wales through a can of Marmite. An obvious miracle, as the photos clearly show, of the Christian god’s concern for bread.

The UK newspaper the Telegraph reported that Clare Allen was the first to see the image of the deity.

Mr Allen, of Ystrad, Rhondda, south Wales, said: “Claire saw it first and called her dad to come and take a photo of it.
“When I first looked at it I wasn’t sure, but when I moved it away from me it started coming out. I thought Christ, yeah, she’s right – that’s the image of Jesus.

“The kids are still eating it, but we kept the lid.”

Marmite Jesus is made out of toast spread.
Marmite Jesus discovered in S. Wales. Family feels blessed by god’s love of food. Photo: WALES NEWS SERVICE
Marmite Jesus is made out of toast spread.
The “Marmite Jesus” up close up. Jesus clearly works tasty miracles. Photo: WALES NEWS SERVICE

Jesus lives in Marmite Jars

As an American, I have no idea what Marmite is. I admit, I had to look it up on Wikipedia.

Marmite is the brand name for two similar food spreads: the original British version and a modified version produced in New Zealand, Australia. Marmite is made from yeast extract, a by-product of beer brewing. Other similar products include the Australian Vegemite.

Marmite sounds disgusting. It is a bread spread made from the by-product of beer brewing. Horrible. Who would think of such a food? Why would Jesus live in such a product? How long was Jesus trapped in a warm can of old, beer-laden brewer’s yeast.

Could it be that Jesus likes Marmite because it is made out of yeast? Without yeast, bread will not rise. Clearly, since Jesus is bread, he needed the yeast to rise from the dead. He must have been executed, smeared in a yeast product and stuck into a warm cave to “rise from the dead” (probably a mistranslation of “rise, you tasty bread”).

Marmite - Home of Jesus
Marmite – The true home of Jesus?

Marmite and the Prophecy from Working Men

Did Men at Work, the popular 80’s band from Australia, know that the Christian god lives in jars of brewer’s yeast? For example, these lyrics clearly talk of being tempted. Jesus was tempted in the desert. Australia has deserts or, at least, looks kind of desert-like in movies that supposedly take place in Australia.

“Are you trying to tempt me?
Because I come from the land of plenty.”

The real secret message might be hidden in the following lyrics.

Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscle
I said, “Do you speak-a my language?”
He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich

Christian quack prays to end Medicaid expansion in Tennessee

There is a reason why it is important to keep church and state separated. Considering that religious people think that gods are talking to them, it would be extremely unwise to allow these people to make political decisions of any kind. Christian quacks have very poor judgment skills.

An example of why deranged Christian quacks need to stay out of the government is this video recording from Feb 03, 2015 of the Tennessee Senate. June Griffin, from the “Cumberland Missionary Society” was invited to say the daily prayer. Before she started her prayer, everyone was told to stand and to remain standing during the entire ritual.

I am glad that I was not there or I would have been arrested for refusing to stand.Being made to stand and show respect to the religious is highly annoying. I think it is against my Constitutional rights to be forced to take part in religious rituals of any kind. I find them to be emotionally disturbing.

After everyone started to rise, Ms. Griffin was introduced as “a longtime crusader for Christian values” before she went into a five minute prayer rant about getting the gods to help stop health care expansion.

The Rush Transcript of Ms. June Griffin’s Prayer

I pray for the people of Tennessee who have been so downtrodden by the wicked courts from on high that they have been subject to tyrannical judiciary. And I pray that you would save Tennessee from the edicts of Washington DC that would go against the plain wishes of the people of Tennessee, particularly pertaining to the 9th and 10th Amendment.

I pray that you would sanctify this state, that it would be holy and would be a leader among the other states. That they would see that there is a God that lives, that you love the people of Tennessee. That you gave your life that we might be saved from our sins. I pray that you would forgive the many sins of carelessness or lethargy or desperation. The compromises.

Oh Lord, save Tennessee for Jesus’ sake and I pray that your will would be done; that you would be our coverage; that we would not be forced into these edicts from Washington DC or any other quarter; but let the people know that our coverage is the same as with Moses and the children of Israel when they went through the wilderness with only the divine providence of almighty God.

So, I pray that everywhere there are meetings, and there is considerations and deliberations, that you would give these men and women who have been elected, give them the backbone and the remembrance of the Tennessee Declaration of Rights, Article 1, Section 2 — we are ordered to resist arbitrary power.